How Bee got a smaller butt

Because Sara Bradshaw asked if I had tips re: losing weight I thought I'd share with ye all.

First a disclaimer - I am not a health professional. I am in no way authorised to give any advice to anybody about what they should do to lose weight. This is what I have done and what I tell myself to do. It may not work for you.

1. Ask yourself why you want to lose weight.

The media, government etc yammer on about how overweight we all are as a nation and why we need to lose weight to be healthy and live less expensive, more sustainable lives.

These reasons are not compelling to me and I doubt they are motivating for most people.

The reason I, and I believe most people want to lose weight is to look good. (And not be pre-judged as lazy, unsuccessful fatties.)

Most clothes are made to look good on slim people. Slim people are portrayed in the vast majority our visual media as beautiful, desirable and normal. We have all heard this song before.

And because slimness it is presented by the media et all as the more desirable state to be in, slimness has become a marker of success.

One has succeeded at something (?) if one is slim. One has failed at something if one is fat.

I found it amusing that after losing the baby weight (and the 10kgs extra weight I carried for a good two years before being pregnant with Marley) people would come up to me and say, "Congratulations! You look great!"

Don't get me wrong, I am not at all offended by this - I take it as the compliment that it is intended to be. But therein lies my point - as a society we see it as a huge success to lose weight.

If your reason for losing weight is not just about your health then be honest (with yourself) about that. You will need to find more creative ways to motivate yourself than reading the dietary guidelines pamphlet from your GP or reciting government propaganda in your head over and over.


2. Ask yourself why you put on the weight.

Think back to the point you started to put on weight and work from there. If you have always been slightly bigger (not obese) than your peers and have no weight-related health problems perhaps you do not have a weight problem. We are not all meant to look the same!

But if you can trace the weight back to comfort eating, ageing and not being active, or a particular event that triggered weight gain you have the chance now to consider if the emotional aspects that existed at that time are still relevant.

If they are you will need to work on those in combination with the other tips outlined below.

For example, for the majority of my life I have been on the smaller side of things. I am half Asian and as we know, Asian people are usually smaller than Anglo peeps. My parents are both slim and have been for the majority of their lives. My two half-brothers (both Anglo) were/are slim. So I am genetically a smaller person.

As mentioned earlier, a couple of years before becoming pregnant with Marley I had started to put on weight (normal for me was between 50-55kg. I only stand about 5'4).

I had experienced a devastating break-up, a depressive episode, and gone on anti-depressants. I put on 6kg. Then I was in a new relationship with Mac where I felt very cuddly, cosy and eat-y. I put on another 4kg.

As I could identify all those things as triggers to over-eating and thus weight gain, I could make a decision (not a quick decision - but a process over several years that included therapy and time to resolve the emotional issues) that those elements would not be part of my current situation. That is an ongoing process.

3. Get informed.

There are a plethora of books about healthy eating. Get one. Do your research and find one that is credible. Do not get one that says, 'Lose weight in 10 days', or 'Celebrity weight loss secrets'. You will need to make an entire lifestyle change.

The guide I have found helpful is the Australian book, 'The CSIRO total wellbeing diet'. As well as recipes and a workable eating plan it also explains the scientific research that has gone into formulating the plan and explains what your body needs in a simple, easy to read manner.

4. Get moving.

This one is particularly loathsome to me because I detest moving around just for the sake of it. As a child I couldn't stand organised sport (being completely inept at team work, ball skills and running). And any kind of televised adult sport makes me slightly stabby.

I do like dancing though. As a kid I did ballet and jazz, and as an adult I haven't minded pilates, yoga, something called Body Balance, and ballet.

But the exercise I have been able to stick with is Bikram Yoga. There are a lot of bad things said about Bikram Yoga and it will not be right for everyone but I like it.

Mind you, the first class I went into, I lay down on my mat and towel, took a deep breath of the hot air(you do the postures in 40 degree heat) and literally felt like I was going to choke to death.

I rushed out of the class and called Bikram enthusiast Rachael on my mobile and told her I was going to die. "You are not going to die," she informed me. "Just relax, breathe through your nose. Your head is getting the better of you."

Other helpful beginner Bikram tips are:

Be well-rested before you go.

Drink a lot of water through the day before you go.

Only take a few small sips of water in the class.

Lay down if you feel dizzy.

Wear as little as possible. Seriously. Like the shortest fitted bike pants (not shorts, no one needs to see up there!) and tank top you can manage.

Stay in the class.

Stand at the back.

The thing I like about Bikram is that I feel a great sense of achievement and well being after every class, that's what keeps me going back. That and the fact that I don't have to throw a ball or run.

But Bikram is just my personal choice. Think back to activities you liked when you were a kid. Did you like cycling? Maybe get a bike and pick a regular time to ride. Did you like team sports? Join a local club.

The most important thing is to choose an activity that you like. Fitness First is not the only option! Keep trying things out till you find one that fits. Or just start walking. If you can get motivated to do this (I can't unless I have company) then walking briskly for half an hour a day three times a week will get your system going. Being outside will increase your sense of well being too.

Once you've got your body used to moving again it will want to keep doing it and you will start to feel better.

5.Visualise and commit.

Visualise how your body will look (if losing weight is looks-based) or perform (if losing weight is health-based), or visualise both.

This may sound very shallow but thinking about my thighs in skinny jeans is seriously motivating for me especially when I am in a thigh-testing pose in yoga.

When I first started to lose weight I would concentrate on seeing myself as a thin person. Over and over and over again. Because my desire for weight-loss is looks-based this works for me.

I visualise my butt in jeans and what I want it to look like, ie small. Then when I think to myself, chocolate would be nice right now, I remember the small butt I am wanting. I want the butt more than I want the chocolate. Or I remember how horrible I feel when I get into a swim suit and I feel fat. Goodbye chocolate.

I actually do say goodbye to my fat. "I release my fat." I know this sounds very hippy dippy but I say this over and over again and it truly works for me.

5. Bee's personal food tips.

These are the practical things I do to prevent over-eating and weight gain. In no particular order.

- Chuck out all the junk food in the house. Do not keep keep junk food in the house ever again.

- Avoid foods with artificial flavours, colours or preservatives.

- Do not drink soft drinks.

- When first starting to lose weight eat no carbs after 4pm.

- Switch all dairy products to low fat except butter. Use real butter but sparingly.

- Eat portions no bigger than your fist.

- Have lunch as your biggest meal.

- If you eat with your family at dinner or you are eating out, only eat a small portion and with no or very few (a tablespoon) of carbs. Add green veggies or salad instead. Boring but necessary.

- Never again buy white bread. Always wholemeal. Check packet for true wholemealness.

- Eat rice or corn pasta instead of wheat pasta.

- Eat bread, pasta, rice or cereal earlier in the day.

- Snack on corn thins, fruit, wholemeal crackers.

- Use more chilli and jalapenos in food to add flavour.

- Avoid adding extra sugar or salt to anything.

- Use olive oil.

- Try to eat produce that is fresh and in season.

- Fast-food is a seriously 'sometimes' item. Like once every 6 months.

- Once weight is lost do eat 'sometimes' foods like chocolate, ice cream, cookies on rare occasions and enjoy it while you are eating it. Don't give yourself a hard time. You don't want to feel like you're missing out. I know for myself, too much deprivation leads to binging.

- If you feel like chocolate or ice cream whilst still losing weight have one portion (like one bar of chocolate) and enjoy it (as above) but eat lower fat items for the rest of the day. Do not buy a packet or carton that stays at home where you will be tempted to eat it. Buy one portion.

- Consider junk food not as a 'treat' but as a 'sometimes' food. Do not refer to it as a treat. It is not actually treating your body in any way. Fruit is a treat. Fresh veggies are a treat.

- Get creative with salad. So many things can go in salad that are healthy and make it taste awesome. Eggs, tuna, olives, beans, baby spinach, rocket, balsamic vinegar, tomatoes, red onion, smoked salmon, bocconcini, haloumi, grated parmesan, grilled chicken, slices of beef etc are some yummy examples.

- Consider the weather. I find salad-eating harder in winter (now!) because I want warm foods so I drink more tea and miso soup.

- When you feel like chocolate, drink Milo instead . I'm not sure if this would work for everyone but it does for me!

- Start with breakfast. Eating a healthy breakfast will get your metabolism going for the day. I start most days with one Weet-bix in skim milk. No sugar.

- Think of your body as a machine that needs to be maintained. It actually does. If you put crap in it that's how it's going to look/perform.


Oh - and this is another random tip - don't own scales. Check your size on how clothes fit and weigh yourself at chemists or at the doctor. Weight can be affected by fluid retention, muscle mass etc and you can make yourself crazy checking all the time.

This sounds super corny but at the end of the day you deserve the best. I deserve the best. So if the best to me is being able to fit into jeans and run around without getting puffy then I can have that. You just have to believe you deserve it. And you do.

Typical toddler moment

Marley is now 18 months-old.

This morning after struggling to think of an activity I could do with Mr Super-Smart-and-Active, I decided on the Children's Library in Bondi Junction which we haven't been to before. Wet-weather genius!

While we waited for it open (at 10am! Are those librarians sleeping-in or what) I decided to pop in to Office Works next door and purchase a notebook.

I spied a packet of crayons that I thought Mr Busy would like (and also the cutest packet of erasers shaped like workman's tools! Step away from the fun stationary Bee. Step away.) and I let him hold the crayons while we waited in line.

Somehow he prised the crayons out of the sealed packet and when I tried to retrieve said packet so the cashier could swipe it he refused to let go, squealed and proceeded to smush the crayons into several pieces (oh, and he'd already dropped one that we ran over in the stroller leaving a long line of orange behind us).

He cried, I nearly started to cry (really) while the line of people behind us looked on in removed sympathy. An old lady exclaimed to Marley, "Oh, those are real tears!" And the man behind me told me that he had kids the same age (which did nothing to ease my frustration - his kids weren't there acting like banshees. Mine was.)

I left the Office Works and DID cry (Marley's tears now dried and forgotten) and rolled on to the library. Which was a success. Woo.

And while I know, know, know that I shouldn't compare my kids, I have to say that Eli never acted like this! It is total stereotypical toddler behaviour but I feel like I'm experiencing it for the first time (well I am).

(Breathes sigh and collapses in chair looking defeated.)

I truly know you did your best

I can forgive my parents now because I don't need them any more and because I am on the cusp of being a parent that may need to be forgiven.

That is to say - I love my parents and I love my sons but I am a work in progress and so are they. My imperfections are numerous.

I am at the strange intersection in life where I can empathise equally with my parents as a parent and empathise with my children as a child.

Though the later is fading, no matter how much my teenage self made me promise -

"Always, always, always remember this." Bee's diary, 1995.

We celebrated my mum's birthday today.

Old again

I am genuinely worrying about things I never thought I'd worry about.

Whether or not my eldest son will get into private school.

Whether or not I'll get a good job in few months.

Whether aforementioned son will be happy at said school, or any high school.

Whether or not Mac's stress about money will rise.

Why my shoulders are so tight and I have faint headaches when I haven't been partying all night or had a messy break-up (in years!).

Why I still have Gretel-Killeenesque bags under my eyes when Marley has been sleeping through the night for months.

How I have managed to get old.

Just like that.

Show us ya hotpants!

Did you miss me?

No excuses/reasons for being away. Just was. Living life. Ya know.

Ok, so these here silver hotpants from Topshop worn by the gorgeous Rumi from Fashion Toast are totally Bee at the Sydney Opera House circa 1991. (Dancing in a comp with four of my school friends including Rachael while all the other groups had like, at least 15 girls.)

Rachael and I picked out the pants from Dolly magazine and had them made for the comp. Ha!

Hope everyone is having an awesome holiday season!

What I Was Doing When Obama Became President

Watched the election from my lounge room and chanted 'Go Obama' and got Marley to clap along!
Exciting, historical day!

A couple of days ago Eli told me about his school work which required him to list who he thinks of as leaders. He wrote me, his dad and Barack Obama . Aww!
I said, "What about Kevin Rudd?" He said he forgot about him.
And Eli starts sex ed at school tomorrow! Growing, growing.

In good news about me I am shrinking! Not sure of exact weight but pretty sure am around 55 kg which means I am well on my way to my ideal weight. I have become very disciplined with my eating.

For dinner I usually have salad or small portion of what Mac and Eli are having if it's carbs based (it usually is) , Weet-bix with skim milk for breakfast and a sandwich or salad for lunch. I've given up alcohol, (!There is a story to this which I may get around to telling...) and caffeine. And I have taken up Bikram yoga which I do twice a week but would do 3 times if poss.

Marley is turning 1 next week (already! He is so cute. Talks, walks and is just deeelightful!) and we are down to 1 breastfeed a day, at night. Which I am happy to hang onto for a while as it's nice bonding time.


So that's me, Bee, and what I was doing when Obama became president.

CC My Playmate

I was singing to Marley, you know how you do, just any nonsense song when you're changing their nappy and trying to distract them from squirming off the change mat. And this old chant popped into my head. Clapping in the playground circa 1985...

CC my playmate
I can not play with you
My sister's got the flu
The German measles too
Slide down my rainbow
Into my lolly shop
And we'll have FUN FUN
Playing in the SUN SUN
FUN FUN
Playing in the SUN SUN

Save me from my wardrobe

Some days I have the desire to leave the house wearing funky casual outfits like this. Granted the hipster jeans are a bit 2001. But still. Groovy jeans, subtle accessories, jacket hanging just so, cute bag slung on my arm...

But most days I just want to wear something nondescript.

Something unnoticeable.

Something comfortable.

Something I don't have to 'work'. And strictly no accessories. Getting accessories right takes a lot more work than you'd think.

I'd like to get up, just throw on a ... uniform?

I want my clothes to say 'I have nothing to say'.


What I fantasize about is getting 7 identical outfits made up. They would look something like this:







Oh yeah.

What was I thinking?

Q Whaddit Mac and I do on Saturday night?
A Went to our first party together since Marley was born.

And it was a Bad Idea.

For about an hour in there it was fun and the rest was soooo not worth it.

1) Got drunk (hello?! Am breastfeeding - I can't get drunk!!!!).

2) Had a stupid drunken fight with Mac (and when we have been going so well too. Dammit.).

3) And on Sunday felt so shite, low and socially incompetent that felt should have been quarantined until all traces of stupidness had been cleared.

I used to drink like a fish (hmm, but usually to dodgy results actually) but now I feel that my constitution is so finely balanced that the smallest extra stimulant - like alcohol or even caffeine- tips my mood significantly out of kilter.

I spend so much energy working on being ok and mentally healthy that it is so not worth getting so down for just a bit of a high.

So...is this goodbye my old friend alcohol?

Angelina Jolie sprinkles more of her top-notch DNA into the human gene pool

I just had to get on this bandwagon. Mock me if you need.

Angelina has given birth to a baby boy and girl in the French Riviera!

The babies were born via C-section yesterday, July 12th at 8pm.

I know there is so much hype surrounding all the recent celebrity births but I confess I am one of the many that think the Jolie-Pitt family are just adorable.

Actually I am an Angelina lover from way back when she was still with Billy Bob.

Articulate, interesting, socially aware and with looks so amazing that she can make all those tattoos look hot? How could I not love her.

See, how cute is this family!

Anyway, it seems that the twins have been born about a month early. I hope they're all healthy... apparently the boy is named Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt and the girl is Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt. 'Marcheline' is obviously in honour of Angelina's late mother Marcheline Bertrand, whom she was very close to. Here's Angie with her Ma:



Thinking about the Jolie-Pitts and their last name has got me thinking again about Marley's surname. He only has Mac's last name, thus his name is different from mine.

I don't like double barrel surnames in principal - but in practice I don't like that my surname got ditched. Boo.

I mean why should babies have the guy's surname anyway? We're not bartering women for sheep or whatever people used to do way back when the tradition started.

And just for the hell of it, here's a snap of Angelina pregnant with the twins and looking for all the world like a graceful mother duck being trailed by her ducklings. When I was pregnant with Marley I resembled a hippo with water retention. At best.

Will the Real Baby Milo Please Stand Up

It's coming up to Eli's birthday. I ask him what he would like for a gift.

He writes me a list. Amongst the video games and Lego is a request for a Baby Milo jumper.

Hmm. Ah, what's that Eli?

A Baby Milo jumper.

He points it out to me on the street. And suddenly I notice that all around me are teens sporting these garish hoodies with cartoon monkey patterns. Especially teens in the lower socio economic demographic. I recognise the air in which they wear them from my own teen days. These are THE hoodies to have.

To wear one is to Get It. To wear one is to be part of The Group. The legit group. To wear one is to be a bit I-am-from-the-commissions-hard-core.

But why?

I look up this Baby Milo online and the best I can find is this.

Baby Milo is a part of the BAPE label? I go to the official website . Not a tid of a bit do I see about Baby Milo. Either I'm the crappest researcher ever or Baby Milo is not meant to be found.

Anxious to find a genuine article I scour the Net high and low. Nothing.
I ask in the stores. Nothing. "You could try Paddy's Markets,"one salesgirl suggests.

Buy my son some tacky knock-off? I don't think so.

But as the day of his birthday grows nearer and a real Baby Milo remains ever elusive my resolve melts.

I pop the now reformed Marley into the car and trundle off to Paddy's Markets in Haymarket. I am a Paddy's Markets virgin so after I park in the quiet underground Carpark I follow the signs to the lift and up we go.

The lifts opens right into the middle of a conglomeration of hustling and bustling stalls strung with cheap toys and flashing neon lights.

We have been teleported to an alternate magical bargain shopping world!

Delighted, Marley (in his pushchair) and I look around in wonder at all the bright plastic thingys and piles of clothes and souvenirs.

I find several stands selling clearly fake Baby Milo jumpers for $10-$15 and one stand selling a much higher quality jumper for $45. The zip goes all around the hood and has a monkey emblem on it, plus the fabric is thicker and print smoother. There is only one in an orangey white pattern left in Eli's size so I buy it plus a $12 one in black that I know he will like.

Triumph! You cant elude me Baby Milo!

As I drive home I remember the impassioned speech I gave Eli about designer rip-offs and how they are a nasty corrupt business.

Hmm.

Later at home I find this interview with the BAPE designer:

"The exclusivity part...that was unintentional... I didn't intend to create demand by limiting supply. I just didn't like the idea of a lot of people wearing the same clothes. So since these were my designs, I decided to only make a few."

Nigo

Nothing like a dirty big splash of irony to end the 'working' week.

Happy Hour

One weekday in April I was sad.

I left my apartment, got on a bus and walked through the city with Marley in a sling.

Marley looked about him in wonder with his new long-distance vision. I watched him see Sydney for the very first time.

Outside a pub on the corner of on George street was this man.

Presently, a passer-by tossed some coins into his case. The man stopped playing, counted his money and called out to a bloke smoking in the doorway, "Eh. $2.15 to go."

Marley and I walked on.

Goodbye misspent youth

Today is the last day of my twenties.

I tried to cast my mind back to when I turned 20...what was I doing the last day I was 19? I would have been taking care of Eli, because by then he was nearly 1.

I was probably relieved to be leaving my teens behind. Plus, my mother had already started saying I was 20 so it would make my premature parenthood seem a tad less startling to soft suburban minds.

The last decade of my life has been crazy; birth, death, Uni, work, drugs, sex, marriage, divorce, depression, travel, heartbreak, love...

I'm kind of sorry to be leaving it behind because it's my youth. Was my youth.

But I'm starting to see that getting older means becoming a little bit more sure of myself. A little less worried about what everyone thinks of me (I emphasise a little).

I'm starting to feel that perhaps now I have permission to create my own mould rather than just pick one off the old shelf.

Maybe I just haven't had enough imagination - it's been too easy to be not much more than a reflection of the faces surrounding me. Harder to pull from within what is genuine and right.

But anyway. That too is obvious and clichéd. There's no escaping it today.

So as I leave my twenties behind I also leave behind all the people that meant so much to me once, but now are only memories. And take with me my true friends and my beautiful growing family, which every day I feel so privileged and grateful to be a part of.

When I wake up I'm going to be thirty. It's kind of exciting.

I'm not hungry today

The door slams shut and I hear the lock turn.

Out in the cold my voice has no sound.

Like a child on an unknown street I am afraid.

Everything scares me and I want to go home.

Well hello there. I mean, do I know you?

Even though it doesn't seem like it, the new customised sleep program from babybliss must be working for Marley, because just now I had time to faff about on stalkbook befriending all sorts of random types and even contemplating poking old hated school chums. Step away from the keyboard Bee!

Don't worry, I logged off before too much damage was done.

I did find myself perusing the online photo albums of Christmas parties thrown by the old publishing houses I worked at. Yes, from last December! Six whole months ago. How sad is that.

Even though I'm pretty sure this here at the moment is one of the best times of my life, I found myself looking at the photos of the parties and feeling not only nostalgia but an ache of longing for my good old friends, the animal ones like Lionel and the mineral ones like Gin & Tonic.

I have not sipped a drop of alcohol in MONTHS (unless you count the very nice glass/couple of glasses of champagne at Marley's Baby Naming). Much less sat at a bar. Much less rowdyed it up at a pub. In fact, I think the last serious drinking/partying I did would have been in mid 2006.

The Australian government's suddenly getting all paranoid and obsessive about youth binge drinking (which, on a side point is just insane - this is not a new problem - youths have been binge drinking for aeons), but as I sit there watching 4 Corners or listening to Radio National yammer on about it, all I'm doing is wistfully thinking, "Oh, those were the days."

Hmm.

I was seriously contemplating doing more study next year but now I'm feeling like being on the job...writing my articles... going to the pub... I mean networking usefully (which just might happen to be at the pub).

Seems I'm finally coming out of my baby haze.

Although that was me knocking on my neighbour's door at 1:30am last night asking them to be freakin quiet.

Might not be ready to emerge just yet.